wordless friday.

losing is never easy. earlier this morning i was told by intan about her father. he'd passed away. in his sleep. when he was 64 yo. intan received a call from her brother this morning that her father had passed away. and when she told me about it this morning, i was stunned. i could not find any words to console her. i went to her room just to see she was crumpled down on the bed, crying. yeah, literally, she was crumpled down. i could not help but cried when i saw the tears drowned from her face. i did not know what to say.

intan's situation, is a wake up call for me. my parents are not getting younger nor healthier. how i wish i can be home now. seeing intan cried, it shattered my heart. but no words are there to ease her pain, her lost. i wish i can find any words to soothe her but i know there isn't any. it's hard losing someone. to know the fact that the person will never coming back again. i think back of me, myself. i haven't be a good daughter myself. i hardly made them proud. but i know i love them. with all i have. and being 20 now, i know i need to be someone in my life. i need to make them proud of me. it's because i may be running out of time. seriously, i don't want them to leave me. not yet. but it'll come. any time soon. i don't know if i am ready for that. how can you be strong when you lost the one that you love? the one that is so dear to you? ya ALLAH, please, give me some chance, to spend more time with them. to pay back all the things that they have done to me, to be a daughter that they will be proud of. please. :'(

i wish ma and ba will have the chance to see me be a teacher. i wish they will see me on my first day get to school. i wish they will be there on my wedding day. i wish for them to always be with me. but too much wish is not possible. so for this time being, i'm just wishing that they will always be in good health, away from all dangers. i'm too far away from home. i wish for their safety. may ALLAH bless all of them.

p/s: intan, i know it's hard. it's even next to possible. but i know you are strong. ALLAH wont put us in trouble if He knows we cannot face it. He knows you can face it. ALLAH loves him more. Let us always pray for your Ayah. :') InsyaALLAH, dia ditempatkan di kalangan mereka yang beriman.

dan burung pun marah

assalamualaikum wbt.

i was struggling to finish my LS assignments when a thought crossed my mind about what i was doing at that time. my critical writing was about ANGER MANAGEMENT.

'You kata botak tengah tak hensem? Siap youuu!!' [credit]

looking back to myself, i am a type of person who do not know how to control my feeling. let it be sad, happy, angry, i do not know how to handle it well. yeah, shame on me. so then, when i was constructing this essay, i was thinking about me. what should i do to change that attitude. from the research that i'd done for the writing, there were tips on managing anger.

1. take your time out. 

if ever you are in tight situation where you feel angry, you should step aside, and take a few times to think about the things you are angry with. it was said that you could count to ten when you are angry as it will help you to cool down a bit. breathe in deeply is one of the steps in calming yourself down too and yes, it prevents you from punching someone's face. 

2. take a bath.

in Islam, it is said that if you are angry, it's either you sit, lay down or perform your wudhuk. yeah. it is super true. anger is hot and when your body is touched with water, it will make it neutral. so when you are angry, you can have a glass of water, hit the shower, and yes, if YOU are a muslim, perform your wudhuk. 

3. exercise.

as crazy as it sounds (for me) . it is true. it doesn't mean that you have to sprint around the field as fast as Ussein Bolt. just have a walk. around the house. eh? you know, enjoying the view and also the ehemmm handsome men. eh eh? okay. just enjoy the view. it'll give some peace in your mind. 

well, when you have done all these tips, then you can decide for a good decision to take for the situation. see? it is easier than you yelling at your friends or family, slamming the doors, or even kicking someone's ass! keep calm and don't get angry. it is something for me to ponder and practice too. shame on me. insyaALLAH, there will be a change. eh by the way, being in constant angry will make you look older than your actual age. it's what my mom said and hey, my mom is magic. everything that she said came true. 

and oh yes, keep calm and eat nasi. 

[credit]

I'm back to rock. EH?

Assalamualaikum wbt.

cuti raya dah habis. kelas dah nearly dua minggu start. assignments menimbun dituntut untuk dihantar. elaun baru masuk maknanya ini masa untuk berjimba. ye dak? tapi macam mana nak berjimba kalau assignments banyak? trip ke penang pun terpaksa dibatalkan. robek jugak sikit hati ni. tapi nak buat macam mana kan?

balik kolej bermakna balik kepada norma bosan aku tiap hari. menjadi PENUNGGU SETIA di depan shower. and it's no fun. no fun. at all. kau ingat seronok duk tercegat depan shower room dalam keadaan mamai? tak. this is not sparta. 

i know you have to be cautious of your own personal hygiene but being cautious of it does not mean that you  are being inconsiderate. okay. meh la sini aku bg kau satu analogi. kau bangun pagi. mamai. capai towel dengan harapan nak mandi. nak hilangkan mengantuk dan mungkin jugak waktu tu kau dah kesuntukan waktu. kau nak mandi nak solat nak siap pergi kelas. normal kan? apa yang tak normal sekarang ialah bila kau dah siap solat dan bila kau turun shower room, kelima lima shower yang ada masih lagi full! sakit hati kan? ah, itu lah yang aku duk hadap tiap hari. serius macam orang bodoh. kalau marah ambik wudhuk kan? i did that. memang dah cool dah. eh lepas solat dengan aku yg tak mandi lagi ni, masuk shower room, tak habis lg mandi! mahu tak panas bhai. 

ah gini lah gaya pasrah gua time tunggu [kredit]

memang kalau dengar aje boleh cakap. " Alah minah ni. Pasal mandi pun nak bising. Kau bangun la awal kalau kau tak nak tunggu. "

okay. yes. betul tu. seratus peratus setuju. tapi aku ni, bercakap secara keseluruhan. aku mengaku aku ni bukan la pesen bangun awal sgt pun tambah kalau stay up malam tu tapi kalau ada yang bangun lewat and cepat cepat nak siap? macam mana? this thing happens everyday. bukan dia ada hari dia kosong hari dia tak. no no. hari hari. hari hari kami kena tunggu lama depan shower tu. eh please, adab la hidup asrama. kau share banyak benda dengan ramai orang. faham? shower tu bukan la kau sorang yang punya. be considerate sbb orang lain pun nak guna jugak. takkan sebab kau orang nak kena mandi kat sinki kot? think ladies. think. for those yang mandi lama tu gua mohon, gua mohon fikir la. gua tak cakap mandi lama tu salah. tapi tgk masa la. kalau pagi pukul 6 lu nak mandi awal sampai effect orang lain punya waktu, gua rasa lu memang boleh kena rejam. please, be considerate. kami pun nak cantik macam awak yang mandi pagi nak dekat sejam dengan siap boleh basuh baju menyanyi riang lagi.

kecantikan adalah hak milik setiap insan. eh?

tell me how to deal with this?  

season of heartbreak.

may ALLAH bless you always. i have never hate you. not even once. 

may you get all the things you want.

memang aku ini anak perantauan.

assalamualaikum wbt.

semalam 1 Ramadhan. i wasn't home. as expected. sobs sobs. tiket nak balik mahal sangat. puan ma dan encik ba pun memang tak bagi balik. kadang kadang diri ini tertanya jugak aku ni anak kandung ma ke tak. eh, saiton betul gaya pemikiran. 

so aku spent la weekend aku a.k.a 1st Ramadhan kat rumah cik best friend. uh uh. well, to be honest, aku bukanlah 100% asli gembira nak balik rumah ida. happy tu happy tapi hati dah melekat kat rumah. biasala kan? 

alahai. sekejap aje separuh hati tu. haa kau, jumpa aje si ida tu terus tak hingat dunia. at least i feel i was home. her family was so nice. i felt i was home at that point of time. alih alih, aku happy jugak duduk sana. rasa tak nak balik kolej pun ada. mengada kan? biasalah. 

being far from home, ajar aku banyak benda. well, nak duduk jauh ni, banyak yang kita kena ada dalam diri. nak duduk jauh bukan benda senang, tak jugak susah. duduk jauh kena : 

1. kuat dalaman. bukan kuat batin, hati tu. hati. hati kena kuat. ingat senang ke kalau spesis homesick sepanjang tahun macam gua ni? susah gua cakap lu. tapi itu lah, hati kena kuat. ingat balik nawaitu datang. nak belajar or kerja or ikut suami apa apa aje lah. nawaitu tu penting.

2. berjimat. oh yeah, ini rasanya patut letak nombor satu tapi tak pe lah. haa, duduk jauh ni jangan main tibai aje nak beli apa. macam aku, amboi, mentang mentang dapat elaun, seronok sakan awal bulan tu. pastu akhir bulan mulalah nak tweet pasal megi. ye dak? so, bila duduk jauh di perantauan ni, kena la belajar jimat. takdelah hujung bulan aje buat suara sedih call family mintak duit. 

3. kuatkan pendirian. eh, rasanya sama aje dengan yang no. 1 tu. hmphh. takpelah, banyak sikit point gua. okay. bercakap pasal pendirian ni, kita jangan cepat mengalah. maksud aku mengalah di sini tak kira dari sudut tekanan waktu belajar, kerja mahupun shopping. ya. shopping. kenapa shopping? kalau duduk jauh mesti kita keluar dengan kawan kan? then kawan ni bawak pengaruh yang kuat. betul dak? haa. gua bukan nak cakap kawan tu tak elok, maksud gua di sini, kalau korang nampak kawan korang shopping, korang fikir dulu, perlu tak korang beli barang yang korang rasa berkenan tu. kalau perlu, beli lah. tapi kalau setakat sebab hati rasa berkenan, tak payah la. trust me, nescaya korang akan menyesali perbuatan itu. aku memang selalu macam tu. and bagus juga sebenarnya kalau korang shopping bawak kawan ni. akan ada yang tanya, " PASTI KAU NAK BELI YANG TU?" haaa. tu macam satu wake up call buat anda. ye kan?

4. jangan lambat beli tiket. tak kisahlah tiket bas ke keretapi ke kapal terbang ke kapal selam ke, silalah beli di awal waktu. macam solat jugak lah. takde tiket untuk balik boleh jadi worse case ever aku cakap kau. tambah tambah kalau yang duduk Johor nak balik Kelantan macam aku ni. tiket bas tu macam cendawan goreng yang di jual lepas hujan. eh? kaunter tiket bukak pukul 8 pagi, pukul 230 petang dah habis. ini betul. ini bukan main main. ini realiti. so kalau anda duduk jauh, sila lah. sila lah aware akan tarikh cuti. ataupun berkawan dengan orang yang aware dengan tarikh cuti. tak rugi tak rugi.

well, rasanya ni lah yang aku boleh kongsi. eceh. actually, segala apa di atas tu ialah segala apa yang berlaku kat aku sekarang. yeah. tak payah tgk orang lain, diri sendiri ni haa yang banyak masalah. :) 

p/s: when i look at you, i'm home.