darah dan daging

assalamualaikum wbt.

terasa comel bila tadi dapat mesej dari si AmirYusoff :

"Kakak, call kejap."

lalu si kakak call sebab fikir dah lama tak bercakap dengan anak teruna seorang ini. rupa rupanya si adik cuak nak trial MUET esok. mula dengan suara macho dia tu lah.

"Kau tengah buat apa tu?" amboi, kau ingat kakak tak tahu kau rindu?

si adik yang cuak ni nak bertanya apa yang nak dijawab esok untuk paper writing. aku senyum lagi. mentang mentang aku nak jadi teacher, memang aku lah kamus kau kan Amir? bercakap panjang lebar, bagi explanation pasal thesis statement semua tu then i ended the call.

nak menitis air mata ni bila rindukan adik adik. kalau dulu, pantang jumpa asyik nak gaduh aje. serius tak tipu. aku cukup anti dengan Amir dulu. tak tahu kenapa. pantang jumpa mesti ada yang tak suka, mesti akhirnya bergaduh. aku pernah kena kurung dalam toilet dengan dia sebab bertumbuk dengan Amir. yeah, bertumbuk. pernah kena marah dengan ba sebab tumbuk Amir jugak. harap maklum, aku dulu masa muda muda memang kerja tumbuk Amir aje. since dia sorang je ada masa tu memang dia aje.

masa sekolah, aku satu sekolah dengan dia. rendah dan menengah. time sekolah paling elak jumpa dia sebab dia for sure akan mintak duit. kadang kadang kalau bertembung dengan dia dalam sekolah pun boleh  buat muka tak kenal. boleh tahan jugak dulu dulu. ye dak?

sekarang? boleh kata 360 darjah bertukar. kalau dulu tak suka dia ada, tapi sekarang kalau balik rumah dan dia takde, rasa rumah tak lengkap. kalau dulu bercakap mesti nak bercekau aje sekarang dah boleh lepak sesama dengar dia story pasal awek(s) dia. dulu kalau dia mintak duit mula la aku nak melenting mengamuk, sekarang kalau dia mintak duit aku dah boleh tahap rasa berdosa pulak kalau tak bagi dia. dulu tak pernah nak terfikir nak cakap sayang dia ke apa, sekarang dah boleh cakap even it's in writing.

lain. time did change us. and Alhamdulillah, it's for our own good. having siblings, sometimes it makes you feel like you hate everyone in this world, but without them, trust me, life has no meaning at all. your siblings may put you in trouble, buat kau rasa hey-aku-nak-cekik-kau tapi serious, you can never hate them. and lagi lagi kalau kau yang sulung. bukan la nak gebang cakap besar, but when we have them, we hardly think of ourself. tak kisah kau tak dapat asal kau boleh tengok adik adik kau senyum. that smile, is a pure satisfaction.

baru sedar. baru sedar adik adik semua dah besar panjang. dah boleh bawak berbincang pasal masa depan. makin dorang besar makin dorang perlukan kita. they may be the most mischievous person on earth but you need them as much as you need your next breathe. and for my adik adik, i can never explain or express how i feel for you. but i hope you guys know well that i love you. each and everyone of you. life will be miserable without you guys. you may bring tears to  my eyes but most of the time, you're the reason while i smile proudly. and Amir, good luck for esok. i know you can do it. :D

p/s: you know me well too. right?

dream a little dream of me.

we live beautifully in our dreams. but waking up from it?

siapa kata bermimpi tu indah? ada mimpi indah dan ada mimpi tak indah. adat bermimpi. kadang kita tersedar dengan senyuman, mungkin hari lain kita sedar dengan menangis sedu sedan. tak siapa tahu kan? 

mimpi waktu tidur dan mimpi waktu jaga dua situasi yang tak sama. dah banyak kali terfikir. aku ni banyak sangat bermimpi. samada dalam tidur mahupun jaga. ni namanya pesen tak sedar diri asyik nak bermimpi aje. =.='' dan kadang kadang mimpi tu aku tahu, aku takkan dapat jadikan satu realiti pun. tapi aku masih lagi bermimpi. bak kata mat saleh 'dare to dream.' yeah, i dare to dream even when i know it will not come alive. never. 

salah ke bermimpi? tak. bermimpi tu tak salah. kalau bermimpi tu salah,  maka takdelah orang orang hebat yang berdiri gah di mata dunia. takde lah dunia indah yang dimulakan dari mimpi. tapi, bermimpi tu salah bila mimpi yang pastinya tak nyata tu dibawa dalam realiti. macam mana? bila mana kau tahu yang kau akan sakit tapi kau masih berani untuk bermimpi dengan impian kau akan dapat jadikan mimpi tu satu kenyataan. itu namanya bodoh. bodoh sebab kau masih lagi nak bermimpi walau kau sakit. hey, dah kalau kau sakit tu tak usah nak bermimpi lah. mimpi tu mainan tidur! bangun. bangun dari mimpi tu. supaya kau sedar yang sampai bila bila, mimpi tu hanya satu mimpi dan takkan dapat dibawa ke alam realiti. faham?

p/s: saya mimpi awak semalam. again. :) 

wordless friday.

losing is never easy. earlier this morning i was told by intan about her father. he'd passed away. in his sleep. when he was 64 yo. intan received a call from her brother this morning that her father had passed away. and when she told me about it this morning, i was stunned. i could not find any words to console her. i went to her room just to see she was crumpled down on the bed, crying. yeah, literally, she was crumpled down. i could not help but cried when i saw the tears drowned from her face. i did not know what to say.

intan's situation, is a wake up call for me. my parents are not getting younger nor healthier. how i wish i can be home now. seeing intan cried, it shattered my heart. but no words are there to ease her pain, her lost. i wish i can find any words to soothe her but i know there isn't any. it's hard losing someone. to know the fact that the person will never coming back again. i think back of me, myself. i haven't be a good daughter myself. i hardly made them proud. but i know i love them. with all i have. and being 20 now, i know i need to be someone in my life. i need to make them proud of me. it's because i may be running out of time. seriously, i don't want them to leave me. not yet. but it'll come. any time soon. i don't know if i am ready for that. how can you be strong when you lost the one that you love? the one that is so dear to you? ya ALLAH, please, give me some chance, to spend more time with them. to pay back all the things that they have done to me, to be a daughter that they will be proud of. please. :'(

i wish ma and ba will have the chance to see me be a teacher. i wish they will see me on my first day get to school. i wish they will be there on my wedding day. i wish for them to always be with me. but too much wish is not possible. so for this time being, i'm just wishing that they will always be in good health, away from all dangers. i'm too far away from home. i wish for their safety. may ALLAH bless all of them.

p/s: intan, i know it's hard. it's even next to possible. but i know you are strong. ALLAH wont put us in trouble if He knows we cannot face it. He knows you can face it. ALLAH loves him more. Let us always pray for your Ayah. :') InsyaALLAH, dia ditempatkan di kalangan mereka yang beriman.

dan burung pun marah

assalamualaikum wbt.

i was struggling to finish my LS assignments when a thought crossed my mind about what i was doing at that time. my critical writing was about ANGER MANAGEMENT.

'You kata botak tengah tak hensem? Siap youuu!!' [credit]

looking back to myself, i am a type of person who do not know how to control my feeling. let it be sad, happy, angry, i do not know how to handle it well. yeah, shame on me. so then, when i was constructing this essay, i was thinking about me. what should i do to change that attitude. from the research that i'd done for the writing, there were tips on managing anger.

1. take your time out. 

if ever you are in tight situation where you feel angry, you should step aside, and take a few times to think about the things you are angry with. it was said that you could count to ten when you are angry as it will help you to cool down a bit. breathe in deeply is one of the steps in calming yourself down too and yes, it prevents you from punching someone's face. 

2. take a bath.

in Islam, it is said that if you are angry, it's either you sit, lay down or perform your wudhuk. yeah. it is super true. anger is hot and when your body is touched with water, it will make it neutral. so when you are angry, you can have a glass of water, hit the shower, and yes, if YOU are a muslim, perform your wudhuk. 

3. exercise.

as crazy as it sounds (for me) . it is true. it doesn't mean that you have to sprint around the field as fast as Ussein Bolt. just have a walk. around the house. eh? you know, enjoying the view and also the ehemmm handsome men. eh eh? okay. just enjoy the view. it'll give some peace in your mind. 

well, when you have done all these tips, then you can decide for a good decision to take for the situation. see? it is easier than you yelling at your friends or family, slamming the doors, or even kicking someone's ass! keep calm and don't get angry. it is something for me to ponder and practice too. shame on me. insyaALLAH, there will be a change. eh by the way, being in constant angry will make you look older than your actual age. it's what my mom said and hey, my mom is magic. everything that she said came true. 

and oh yes, keep calm and eat nasi. 

[credit]

I'm back to rock. EH?

Assalamualaikum wbt.

cuti raya dah habis. kelas dah nearly dua minggu start. assignments menimbun dituntut untuk dihantar. elaun baru masuk maknanya ini masa untuk berjimba. ye dak? tapi macam mana nak berjimba kalau assignments banyak? trip ke penang pun terpaksa dibatalkan. robek jugak sikit hati ni. tapi nak buat macam mana kan?

balik kolej bermakna balik kepada norma bosan aku tiap hari. menjadi PENUNGGU SETIA di depan shower. and it's no fun. no fun. at all. kau ingat seronok duk tercegat depan shower room dalam keadaan mamai? tak. this is not sparta. 

i know you have to be cautious of your own personal hygiene but being cautious of it does not mean that you  are being inconsiderate. okay. meh la sini aku bg kau satu analogi. kau bangun pagi. mamai. capai towel dengan harapan nak mandi. nak hilangkan mengantuk dan mungkin jugak waktu tu kau dah kesuntukan waktu. kau nak mandi nak solat nak siap pergi kelas. normal kan? apa yang tak normal sekarang ialah bila kau dah siap solat dan bila kau turun shower room, kelima lima shower yang ada masih lagi full! sakit hati kan? ah, itu lah yang aku duk hadap tiap hari. serius macam orang bodoh. kalau marah ambik wudhuk kan? i did that. memang dah cool dah. eh lepas solat dengan aku yg tak mandi lagi ni, masuk shower room, tak habis lg mandi! mahu tak panas bhai. 

ah gini lah gaya pasrah gua time tunggu [kredit]

memang kalau dengar aje boleh cakap. " Alah minah ni. Pasal mandi pun nak bising. Kau bangun la awal kalau kau tak nak tunggu. "

okay. yes. betul tu. seratus peratus setuju. tapi aku ni, bercakap secara keseluruhan. aku mengaku aku ni bukan la pesen bangun awal sgt pun tambah kalau stay up malam tu tapi kalau ada yang bangun lewat and cepat cepat nak siap? macam mana? this thing happens everyday. bukan dia ada hari dia kosong hari dia tak. no no. hari hari. hari hari kami kena tunggu lama depan shower tu. eh please, adab la hidup asrama. kau share banyak benda dengan ramai orang. faham? shower tu bukan la kau sorang yang punya. be considerate sbb orang lain pun nak guna jugak. takkan sebab kau orang nak kena mandi kat sinki kot? think ladies. think. for those yang mandi lama tu gua mohon, gua mohon fikir la. gua tak cakap mandi lama tu salah. tapi tgk masa la. kalau pagi pukul 6 lu nak mandi awal sampai effect orang lain punya waktu, gua rasa lu memang boleh kena rejam. please, be considerate. kami pun nak cantik macam awak yang mandi pagi nak dekat sejam dengan siap boleh basuh baju menyanyi riang lagi.

kecantikan adalah hak milik setiap insan. eh?

tell me how to deal with this?