well said.

assalamualaikum wbt.

dua hari yang lepas aku pergi rumah tok ayah. a normal visit. like i always do when i'm back home. dalam enak aku tengah tengok tibi tu, tok ayah datang duduk sebelah. diam aje. lepas tu dah lama tu, dia cakap,

"nanti kalau ada rezeki dapat kerja, jangan nak terus kahwin. ingat dekat ma dengan ba dulu. kalau kahwin, mana sempat nak bagi duit dekat ma dengan ba dah. susah sikit."

terpempan gua dibuatnya. ewaah. sebelum ni, tak pernah tok ayah nak mengutarakan isu kahwin. kalau sebelum ni aku sebut sikit pasal boipreng boipreng ni mula la nak bagi pandangan panah laser tapi tetiba semalam dia cakap macam tu. mahu gua tak terkejut. tapi, tapi gua buat muka cool aje. tanya dia kenapa. dia tak cakap apa apa. senyum lepas tu bangun masuk bilik dia.

ah sekali lagi gua terpempan. kenapa? lepas tu gua terpikir. siapa aje yang tak nak kahwin? tell me. mesti semua nak kan? haa. tak payah nak geleng geleng kepala. gua nak kahwin. sapa tak nak kan? ada suami, boleh nak mintak itu ini, shopping berteman,  kalau takut tengok lipas boleh suruh tolong halaukan, dan macam macam lagi. tapi betul jugak apa yg tok ayah gua nasihatkan tu. mungkin maksud dia bila gua dah kahwin gua hilang fokus dekat ma dengan ba. maklumlah, anak sulung macam gua ni. perempuan pulak tu. harapan keluarga lah katakan. cewwaaaaahhh.

bagi aku kahwin bukan something yang mudah. kahwin jugak bukan sebab i-love-you-and-you-love-me-so-we-should-get-married. no. memang la cinta tu perlu tapi kalau dengan cinta aje tak hidup kemana. ianya lebih kepada tanggungjawab. tanggungjawab kau sebagai seorang lelaki untuk jadi ketua keluarga, jadi imam, pembanting tulang dan banyak lagi dan jugak tanggungjawab kau sebagai seorang perempuan untuk jadi wanita yang terbaik untuk suami kau dan yang paling penting, tanggungjawab sebagai ibu bapa untuk asuh didik sayang anak anak agar jadi anak yang soleh solehah boleh buat saham kat akhirat sana. itu kahwin. besar skop kahwin ni.

aku bukan lah sesapa nak cakap pasal kahwin ni. sekadar pendapat. mungkin betul apa yg tok ayah cakap. tapi soal jodoh bukan kat tangan kita. ALLAH SWT yang rancang. tapi rasanya aku tak sedia lagi kot. hati ni memang la kata nak kahwin. hish. gatal nak kahwin tu sentiasa ada. HAHA! tapi itu lah, sekali dipikir, bukan masanya lagi. tapi who knows kan?

cuti. sakan.

assalamualaikum wbt.

sekarang adalah cuti. cuti sekolah buat gua. haaa, jangan tak tahu, memandangkan gua adalah seorang pelajar Institut Pendidikan Guru (baca : Kampus Temenggung Ibrahim) , adalah menjadi tradisi bagi kami semua untuk bercuti bersama dengan kekanak sekolah yang lain. jangan tanya kenapa, mungkin nak kasi kami semua aura awal sebagai cikgu.

semoga sesiapa yg bakal jadi suami gua boleh bawak gua bercuti kat sini. [punca]

bercakap pasal cikgu, baru dua minggu lepas gua habis final exam. jugak jangan ditanya macam mana exam tu sebab berlaku jujurnya, gua pun tak pasti macam mana masa depan gua dengan exam tu. marilah sama sama kita semua mendoakan gua dan kekawan gua yang lain. agar kami sama sama dapat bertemu lagi tahun hadapan dan 4 tahun seterusnya.

dah kenapa gua menaip macam ni? gua pun tak pasti. dan gua rasa macam menaip untuk nak mintak kerja pulak. dan pasal soal kerja, ah tetiba pulak gua teringat gua nak mintak kerja. kenapa gua mintak kerja? sebab gua nak duit la brooo. mata duitan pulak rasanya bila cakap macam tu. tapi sebenarnya itulah hakikat hidup sekarang. semua nak pakai duit. berpeluh jugak bila fikir pasal duit ni. tapi sebenarnya, niat lain gua nak kerja ialah sebab gua nak beli handphone baru. sebab....phone gua, errr....jatuh. dalam toilet bowl. dan demi rasa sayang gua sebab tu adalah hadiah dari ba, gua masukkan tangan gua dalam tu sebab nak ambik balik handphone gua. dan toilet tu ialah public toilet. bukan toilet kat rumah. ah, kesalnya gua dengan perbuatan gua tu. tapi yelah kan, sayang. kalau dah sayyang tu apa pun sanggup buat. masukkan tangan dalam toilet bowl tu no big deal lah! handphone tu sekarang selamat dalam beg gua. nak baiki.

bukan phone gua. gambaran sahaja. [punca]

apa sebenarnya gua nak cakap ni? sebenarnya gua pun tak tahu. saja je nak bagitau gua cuti. tapi tetiba gua sedar yang : eh, sapa aje yang baca kan? haha. gua ni buat diri gua sendiri tergelak. ah lantak lah. hak blogging hak kami! so gua nak cakap jugak. gua now tengah cuti. sesapa yang nak buat english private tutor tu bagitau lah gua. gua ingat nak mengasah skill mengajar sikit.

p/s : toilet tu bersih. gua rasa gua takkan masukkan tangan kalau tak bersih. tapi apa pun, gua masukkan tangan dan gua masukkan tangan dalam public toilet bowl. sigh.

darah dan daging

assalamualaikum wbt.

terasa comel bila tadi dapat mesej dari si AmirYusoff :

"Kakak, call kejap."

lalu si kakak call sebab fikir dah lama tak bercakap dengan anak teruna seorang ini. rupa rupanya si adik cuak nak trial MUET esok. mula dengan suara macho dia tu lah.

"Kau tengah buat apa tu?" amboi, kau ingat kakak tak tahu kau rindu?

si adik yang cuak ni nak bertanya apa yang nak dijawab esok untuk paper writing. aku senyum lagi. mentang mentang aku nak jadi teacher, memang aku lah kamus kau kan Amir? bercakap panjang lebar, bagi explanation pasal thesis statement semua tu then i ended the call.

nak menitis air mata ni bila rindukan adik adik. kalau dulu, pantang jumpa asyik nak gaduh aje. serius tak tipu. aku cukup anti dengan Amir dulu. tak tahu kenapa. pantang jumpa mesti ada yang tak suka, mesti akhirnya bergaduh. aku pernah kena kurung dalam toilet dengan dia sebab bertumbuk dengan Amir. yeah, bertumbuk. pernah kena marah dengan ba sebab tumbuk Amir jugak. harap maklum, aku dulu masa muda muda memang kerja tumbuk Amir aje. since dia sorang je ada masa tu memang dia aje.

masa sekolah, aku satu sekolah dengan dia. rendah dan menengah. time sekolah paling elak jumpa dia sebab dia for sure akan mintak duit. kadang kadang kalau bertembung dengan dia dalam sekolah pun boleh  buat muka tak kenal. boleh tahan jugak dulu dulu. ye dak?

sekarang? boleh kata 360 darjah bertukar. kalau dulu tak suka dia ada, tapi sekarang kalau balik rumah dan dia takde, rasa rumah tak lengkap. kalau dulu bercakap mesti nak bercekau aje sekarang dah boleh lepak sesama dengar dia story pasal awek(s) dia. dulu kalau dia mintak duit mula la aku nak melenting mengamuk, sekarang kalau dia mintak duit aku dah boleh tahap rasa berdosa pulak kalau tak bagi dia. dulu tak pernah nak terfikir nak cakap sayang dia ke apa, sekarang dah boleh cakap even it's in writing.

lain. time did change us. and Alhamdulillah, it's for our own good. having siblings, sometimes it makes you feel like you hate everyone in this world, but without them, trust me, life has no meaning at all. your siblings may put you in trouble, buat kau rasa hey-aku-nak-cekik-kau tapi serious, you can never hate them. and lagi lagi kalau kau yang sulung. bukan la nak gebang cakap besar, but when we have them, we hardly think of ourself. tak kisah kau tak dapat asal kau boleh tengok adik adik kau senyum. that smile, is a pure satisfaction.

baru sedar. baru sedar adik adik semua dah besar panjang. dah boleh bawak berbincang pasal masa depan. makin dorang besar makin dorang perlukan kita. they may be the most mischievous person on earth but you need them as much as you need your next breathe. and for my adik adik, i can never explain or express how i feel for you. but i hope you guys know well that i love you. each and everyone of you. life will be miserable without you guys. you may bring tears to  my eyes but most of the time, you're the reason while i smile proudly. and Amir, good luck for esok. i know you can do it. :D

p/s: you know me well too. right?

dream a little dream of me.

we live beautifully in our dreams. but waking up from it?

siapa kata bermimpi tu indah? ada mimpi indah dan ada mimpi tak indah. adat bermimpi. kadang kita tersedar dengan senyuman, mungkin hari lain kita sedar dengan menangis sedu sedan. tak siapa tahu kan? 

mimpi waktu tidur dan mimpi waktu jaga dua situasi yang tak sama. dah banyak kali terfikir. aku ni banyak sangat bermimpi. samada dalam tidur mahupun jaga. ni namanya pesen tak sedar diri asyik nak bermimpi aje. =.='' dan kadang kadang mimpi tu aku tahu, aku takkan dapat jadikan satu realiti pun. tapi aku masih lagi bermimpi. bak kata mat saleh 'dare to dream.' yeah, i dare to dream even when i know it will not come alive. never. 

salah ke bermimpi? tak. bermimpi tu tak salah. kalau bermimpi tu salah,  maka takdelah orang orang hebat yang berdiri gah di mata dunia. takde lah dunia indah yang dimulakan dari mimpi. tapi, bermimpi tu salah bila mimpi yang pastinya tak nyata tu dibawa dalam realiti. macam mana? bila mana kau tahu yang kau akan sakit tapi kau masih berani untuk bermimpi dengan impian kau akan dapat jadikan mimpi tu satu kenyataan. itu namanya bodoh. bodoh sebab kau masih lagi nak bermimpi walau kau sakit. hey, dah kalau kau sakit tu tak usah nak bermimpi lah. mimpi tu mainan tidur! bangun. bangun dari mimpi tu. supaya kau sedar yang sampai bila bila, mimpi tu hanya satu mimpi dan takkan dapat dibawa ke alam realiti. faham?

p/s: saya mimpi awak semalam. again. :) 

wordless friday.

losing is never easy. earlier this morning i was told by intan about her father. he'd passed away. in his sleep. when he was 64 yo. intan received a call from her brother this morning that her father had passed away. and when she told me about it this morning, i was stunned. i could not find any words to console her. i went to her room just to see she was crumpled down on the bed, crying. yeah, literally, she was crumpled down. i could not help but cried when i saw the tears drowned from her face. i did not know what to say.

intan's situation, is a wake up call for me. my parents are not getting younger nor healthier. how i wish i can be home now. seeing intan cried, it shattered my heart. but no words are there to ease her pain, her lost. i wish i can find any words to soothe her but i know there isn't any. it's hard losing someone. to know the fact that the person will never coming back again. i think back of me, myself. i haven't be a good daughter myself. i hardly made them proud. but i know i love them. with all i have. and being 20 now, i know i need to be someone in my life. i need to make them proud of me. it's because i may be running out of time. seriously, i don't want them to leave me. not yet. but it'll come. any time soon. i don't know if i am ready for that. how can you be strong when you lost the one that you love? the one that is so dear to you? ya ALLAH, please, give me some chance, to spend more time with them. to pay back all the things that they have done to me, to be a daughter that they will be proud of. please. :'(

i wish ma and ba will have the chance to see me be a teacher. i wish they will see me on my first day get to school. i wish they will be there on my wedding day. i wish for them to always be with me. but too much wish is not possible. so for this time being, i'm just wishing that they will always be in good health, away from all dangers. i'm too far away from home. i wish for their safety. may ALLAH bless all of them.

p/s: intan, i know it's hard. it's even next to possible. but i know you are strong. ALLAH wont put us in trouble if He knows we cannot face it. He knows you can face it. ALLAH loves him more. Let us always pray for your Ayah. :') InsyaALLAH, dia ditempatkan di kalangan mereka yang beriman.

dan burung pun marah

assalamualaikum wbt.

i was struggling to finish my LS assignments when a thought crossed my mind about what i was doing at that time. my critical writing was about ANGER MANAGEMENT.

'You kata botak tengah tak hensem? Siap youuu!!' [credit]

looking back to myself, i am a type of person who do not know how to control my feeling. let it be sad, happy, angry, i do not know how to handle it well. yeah, shame on me. so then, when i was constructing this essay, i was thinking about me. what should i do to change that attitude. from the research that i'd done for the writing, there were tips on managing anger.

1. take your time out. 

if ever you are in tight situation where you feel angry, you should step aside, and take a few times to think about the things you are angry with. it was said that you could count to ten when you are angry as it will help you to cool down a bit. breathe in deeply is one of the steps in calming yourself down too and yes, it prevents you from punching someone's face. 

2. take a bath.

in Islam, it is said that if you are angry, it's either you sit, lay down or perform your wudhuk. yeah. it is super true. anger is hot and when your body is touched with water, it will make it neutral. so when you are angry, you can have a glass of water, hit the shower, and yes, if YOU are a muslim, perform your wudhuk. 

3. exercise.

as crazy as it sounds (for me) . it is true. it doesn't mean that you have to sprint around the field as fast as Ussein Bolt. just have a walk. around the house. eh? you know, enjoying the view and also the ehemmm handsome men. eh eh? okay. just enjoy the view. it'll give some peace in your mind. 

well, when you have done all these tips, then you can decide for a good decision to take for the situation. see? it is easier than you yelling at your friends or family, slamming the doors, or even kicking someone's ass! keep calm and don't get angry. it is something for me to ponder and practice too. shame on me. insyaALLAH, there will be a change. eh by the way, being in constant angry will make you look older than your actual age. it's what my mom said and hey, my mom is magic. everything that she said came true. 

and oh yes, keep calm and eat nasi. 

[credit]

I'm back to rock. EH?

Assalamualaikum wbt.

cuti raya dah habis. kelas dah nearly dua minggu start. assignments menimbun dituntut untuk dihantar. elaun baru masuk maknanya ini masa untuk berjimba. ye dak? tapi macam mana nak berjimba kalau assignments banyak? trip ke penang pun terpaksa dibatalkan. robek jugak sikit hati ni. tapi nak buat macam mana kan?

balik kolej bermakna balik kepada norma bosan aku tiap hari. menjadi PENUNGGU SETIA di depan shower. and it's no fun. no fun. at all. kau ingat seronok duk tercegat depan shower room dalam keadaan mamai? tak. this is not sparta. 

i know you have to be cautious of your own personal hygiene but being cautious of it does not mean that you  are being inconsiderate. okay. meh la sini aku bg kau satu analogi. kau bangun pagi. mamai. capai towel dengan harapan nak mandi. nak hilangkan mengantuk dan mungkin jugak waktu tu kau dah kesuntukan waktu. kau nak mandi nak solat nak siap pergi kelas. normal kan? apa yang tak normal sekarang ialah bila kau dah siap solat dan bila kau turun shower room, kelima lima shower yang ada masih lagi full! sakit hati kan? ah, itu lah yang aku duk hadap tiap hari. serius macam orang bodoh. kalau marah ambik wudhuk kan? i did that. memang dah cool dah. eh lepas solat dengan aku yg tak mandi lagi ni, masuk shower room, tak habis lg mandi! mahu tak panas bhai. 

ah gini lah gaya pasrah gua time tunggu [kredit]

memang kalau dengar aje boleh cakap. " Alah minah ni. Pasal mandi pun nak bising. Kau bangun la awal kalau kau tak nak tunggu. "

okay. yes. betul tu. seratus peratus setuju. tapi aku ni, bercakap secara keseluruhan. aku mengaku aku ni bukan la pesen bangun awal sgt pun tambah kalau stay up malam tu tapi kalau ada yang bangun lewat and cepat cepat nak siap? macam mana? this thing happens everyday. bukan dia ada hari dia kosong hari dia tak. no no. hari hari. hari hari kami kena tunggu lama depan shower tu. eh please, adab la hidup asrama. kau share banyak benda dengan ramai orang. faham? shower tu bukan la kau sorang yang punya. be considerate sbb orang lain pun nak guna jugak. takkan sebab kau orang nak kena mandi kat sinki kot? think ladies. think. for those yang mandi lama tu gua mohon, gua mohon fikir la. gua tak cakap mandi lama tu salah. tapi tgk masa la. kalau pagi pukul 6 lu nak mandi awal sampai effect orang lain punya waktu, gua rasa lu memang boleh kena rejam. please, be considerate. kami pun nak cantik macam awak yang mandi pagi nak dekat sejam dengan siap boleh basuh baju menyanyi riang lagi.

kecantikan adalah hak milik setiap insan. eh?

tell me how to deal with this?  

season of heartbreak.

may ALLAH bless you always. i have never hate you. not even once. 

may you get all the things you want.

memang aku ini anak perantauan.

assalamualaikum wbt.

semalam 1 Ramadhan. i wasn't home. as expected. sobs sobs. tiket nak balik mahal sangat. puan ma dan encik ba pun memang tak bagi balik. kadang kadang diri ini tertanya jugak aku ni anak kandung ma ke tak. eh, saiton betul gaya pemikiran. 

so aku spent la weekend aku a.k.a 1st Ramadhan kat rumah cik best friend. uh uh. well, to be honest, aku bukanlah 100% asli gembira nak balik rumah ida. happy tu happy tapi hati dah melekat kat rumah. biasala kan? 

alahai. sekejap aje separuh hati tu. haa kau, jumpa aje si ida tu terus tak hingat dunia. at least i feel i was home. her family was so nice. i felt i was home at that point of time. alih alih, aku happy jugak duduk sana. rasa tak nak balik kolej pun ada. mengada kan? biasalah. 

being far from home, ajar aku banyak benda. well, nak duduk jauh ni, banyak yang kita kena ada dalam diri. nak duduk jauh bukan benda senang, tak jugak susah. duduk jauh kena : 

1. kuat dalaman. bukan kuat batin, hati tu. hati. hati kena kuat. ingat senang ke kalau spesis homesick sepanjang tahun macam gua ni? susah gua cakap lu. tapi itu lah, hati kena kuat. ingat balik nawaitu datang. nak belajar or kerja or ikut suami apa apa aje lah. nawaitu tu penting.

2. berjimat. oh yeah, ini rasanya patut letak nombor satu tapi tak pe lah. haa, duduk jauh ni jangan main tibai aje nak beli apa. macam aku, amboi, mentang mentang dapat elaun, seronok sakan awal bulan tu. pastu akhir bulan mulalah nak tweet pasal megi. ye dak? so, bila duduk jauh di perantauan ni, kena la belajar jimat. takdelah hujung bulan aje buat suara sedih call family mintak duit. 

3. kuatkan pendirian. eh, rasanya sama aje dengan yang no. 1 tu. hmphh. takpelah, banyak sikit point gua. okay. bercakap pasal pendirian ni, kita jangan cepat mengalah. maksud aku mengalah di sini tak kira dari sudut tekanan waktu belajar, kerja mahupun shopping. ya. shopping. kenapa shopping? kalau duduk jauh mesti kita keluar dengan kawan kan? then kawan ni bawak pengaruh yang kuat. betul dak? haa. gua bukan nak cakap kawan tu tak elok, maksud gua di sini, kalau korang nampak kawan korang shopping, korang fikir dulu, perlu tak korang beli barang yang korang rasa berkenan tu. kalau perlu, beli lah. tapi kalau setakat sebab hati rasa berkenan, tak payah la. trust me, nescaya korang akan menyesali perbuatan itu. aku memang selalu macam tu. and bagus juga sebenarnya kalau korang shopping bawak kawan ni. akan ada yang tanya, " PASTI KAU NAK BELI YANG TU?" haaa. tu macam satu wake up call buat anda. ye kan?

4. jangan lambat beli tiket. tak kisahlah tiket bas ke keretapi ke kapal terbang ke kapal selam ke, silalah beli di awal waktu. macam solat jugak lah. takde tiket untuk balik boleh jadi worse case ever aku cakap kau. tambah tambah kalau yang duduk Johor nak balik Kelantan macam aku ni. tiket bas tu macam cendawan goreng yang di jual lepas hujan. eh? kaunter tiket bukak pukul 8 pagi, pukul 230 petang dah habis. ini betul. ini bukan main main. ini realiti. so kalau anda duduk jauh, sila lah. sila lah aware akan tarikh cuti. ataupun berkawan dengan orang yang aware dengan tarikh cuti. tak rugi tak rugi.

well, rasanya ni lah yang aku boleh kongsi. eceh. actually, segala apa di atas tu ialah segala apa yang berlaku kat aku sekarang. yeah. tak payah tgk orang lain, diri sendiri ni haa yang banyak masalah. :) 

p/s: when i look at you, i'm home. 

:')

assalamualaikum wbt.

Alhamdulillah. Aku sekarang dalam sem 3. FINAL EXAM. Kerja pun boleh tahan banyak. Things Fall Apart tu buat aku rasa nak buat lawatan sambil belajar ke rumah Chinua Achebe.Talking about works, aku baru ingat nak membebel nak mengeluh. Tapi, terbaca pulak post ini. Malu rasanya dengan dia dan diri sendiri. Hati ni memang tak boleh kalau tak mengeluh. Banyak kerja sikit dah mengeluh, masalah sikit ada bajet nak putus asa. Padahal orang lain pikul tanggungjawab yang sama in fact ada yang lagi besar dari tu. Astaghfirullah.

Syukur sebab aku terbaca post tu bila mana aku nak mengeluh pasal kerja yang banyak ni. Intan, she's a loveable young lady. Kalau ikut kalendar aku, dah genap la setahun kenal dia. Alhamdulillah, she's a great friend. Or shall I call her a sahabat? Bagi aku, kawan, teman, sahabat, tak sama. Kawan tu semua kawan kita. yang kita jumpa tepi jalan, jumpa masa beli nasi lemak rm1.60 kat KOOP. Teman, for me, maybe someone yang kau boleh bercakap, bertukar pendapat, cerita lawak jenaka antara benua ke. But sahabat, it's another different story. For me, sahabat tu orang yang terima kau baik buruk, tegur kau bila kau buat salah, and at the same time, can be as crazy as you or even more worse. Intan is one of them.

Kalau nak ikut pengalaman aku berkawan, takde lah sampai boleh buat cerpen ke, buku motivasi ke. Tapi, cukup lah untuk aku tahu, siapa kawan, siapa lawan. Setahun kat sini, masing-masing dah kenal perangai, apa yang suka tak suka. I'm not talking about others : It's ME. Kalau dah hari-hari jumpa, mahu aku tak tunjuk side perangai aku yang macam apa ni? But Alhamdulillah again, dorang, sangat la menerima. Thanks ya ALLAH. :') Sem lepas, sibuk dengan drama, sem ni, exam. In fact, it's final. It's a do or die matter. I have to focus on the final, by hook or by crook. It's not easy. But it's not impossible.

Thanks to Intan. For making me realise the fact. :') If you're happen to read this, ALLAH knows how grateful I am to know you. It's been hard for you, I know, but deep inside you, you are a fighter. And thanks too, to my Puan Ma, she's done a few changes on me. I've never thought of having those 'rambu-rambu' pin tudung but now I have 4 with me. Sentap jugak hati ni bila ma cakap, "Kakak, jangan la asyik nak pakai tudung hitam putih aje. Dull aje ma tengok." . Truth hurts. That's it. She said nothing but the right thing. I have to change. Bukan change bermaksud pergi kelas macam nak pergi dinner. Maybe put a smile on my face before I leave the room?

happy first anniversary One Adrenaline!

malas la aku nak taip.

assalamualaikum wbt.

aku rasa malas. faham tak malas? malas sebab dah nak balik JB lusa. malas sebab beg lansung tak kemas lagi. malas sebab ada lagi homework tak siap. malas sebab lepas ni dah kena jalan pergi kelas. malas sebab aku ni pemalas. eh?

okay. kat sini memang terbuka la pengakuannya aku pemalas. hai mak mertua, sila jangan baca blog ini. (gua mohon mak mertua gua takde facebook twitter bagai ni. buat malu gua aje). tapi bukan la pemalas sangat sampai malas aku bergerak. itu dah melampau namanya. aku MASAK, MENYAPU, JEMUR BAJU. haaa. saja je nak caps lock. kot la nanti adik ipar baca ke kan?

sem ni aku exam. final. err, aku risau bila aku takde rasa takut lagi ni. parah. sepatutnya aku dah takut ni. tapi apsal aku rilek rilek lagi ni? *makan kacang sambil goyang kaki* kenapa? kenapa? mugkin sebab aku takde kat kolej lagi. and aku tak nampak lagi teman teman sekelas gigih belajar. mungkin. atau mungkin jugak aku masih lagi dihantui perkara perkara lagha seperti facebook, twitter, dan lain lain. dah kenapa aku buat ayat macam nak masuk pertandingan menulis karangan darjah 6?

ah, persetankan semua tu. yang aku musykilkan sekarang ialah tahap kemalasan aku yang semakin hari semakin meningkat ni. cikgu mana boleh malas malas kan? tapi apa yang kau expect bila duduk rumah? kau jarang balik rumah, pastu bila balik rumah haruslah nak bermalasan kat katil lama lama sikit. ye dak? dan bila dah bangun pulak haruslah puan ma dah siapkan sarapan. paling tidak, ada barang sebungkus dua nasi di atas meja beserta dengan donut dua tiga bijik inche ba beli. betol dak? haaa. mahu tak naik lemak?

tapi copp copp. aku still buat kerja. bila balik rumah ni, ya ALLAH, kanak kanak ramai. sepupu sepapat semua datang rumah. and yes, aku yang paling kakak. dah semestinya aku jadi babysitter. masyuk gua cakap sama lu. makan nak bersuap, tidur nak bercerita dulu. alahai. penat! tapi seronok. now aku tahu how puan ma feels. :') ma, i love you.

itu my atuk, tok ayah and that small baby, Alif Yahya.

ni ha Tina. minah ni, sekali dia mengamuk. mak ai. but i love her.

Izzah, the wangi girl.

yang lelaki tu adik and the bulat one is Mia. suka mintak dukung.

dan gua mohon, kalau nanti gua dah ada anak, tolong jangan gatal tangan cari blog ni. buat malu mama aje. kantoi la. masa anak dara mama pemalas. fuhh. macam dah ada anak. gatal! sigh.

strolling down memory lane

H6P5 '10-'11

rindu korang semua. rindu nak lepak kat kafe D. breakfast lepas kelas KOKO dengan cikgu Shahril. menyanyi dalam lab Bio dengan cikgu Azuin. kena bebel dengan cikgu bibi dalam lab Chem. kena buat tutor Math dengan madam Ong. 

i miss you guys. loads. 

it's a holi holiday!

assalamualaikum wbt.

so yes. I'm in my sem break. I spent my first two weeks at tokmama's and it was fun. seeing my muhammad growing up was exciting. he grew up. a lot more harder to get near him. he would always prefer tokmama compare to me and sometimes, I'm glad for that. but most of the time, I did the attempt to approach him. well, he saw me everyday for the last two weeks so he got use to me. he started to come near me and question every single thing that was around him. starting with the house keys to cat. oh my, I miss him.

and now, I'm at home. nothing can compare the feeling you get when you are back at home and the first thing you see when you open your eyes are your parents. so back at home, my days are filled with kenduri and the latest that I went was yesterday and the bride was 18, the bridegroom was 19. i was awed.

being 20 now, I think it's quite normal to have the feeling of oh-please-ma-i-need-to-get-married. i do. what else can i feel when my classmate when I was in standard six sent me an invitation card of HER WEDDING. oh my oh my. but come to think of it, it's not my time. yet. I think ALLAH SWT knows what I had planned in my head.

marriage is a big thing. it's not for some period of time. it's for a lifetime. being married is like you are attach to that someone. he is a part of you. it comprises love, trust, loyalty and commitment. I should be prepared enough to be a wife. a mother. and with this kind of attitude, I'm not yet suitable. having a family doesn't just mean a husband, a wife and kids. it is about how a husband and a wife manage their kids. I need to be the solehah one to get a soleh husband. but I can't just be a pious one for the sake of searching a good husband. I want to be a good one for the sake of ALLAH. for when He blessed me, I'll be blessed with a good husband.

insyaALLAH, one day :')

but now the tie has not yet come. I should be a good daughter first then I can be a good wife. InsyaALLAH. so now, let me have fun first. i think i have the one. the one that I love. and I do wish to be a part of him. in this world and there to come.

p/s: I LOVE YOU primo. :)

le future is yet to come

assalamualaikum wbt. 

we had our magnificent English Language Camp. and that was when we held our School Visit. School Visit is the program where you will go to a certain school, just to get the knowledge. it went well. fun. great. alhamdulillah.

so ditakdirkan, aku satu group dengan Nani, Dayah, Hidayah, Kirin, Fazly, Along, Syikin and Kacang. serius aku cakap aku sangat la excited about this. so we went there. SK Pengkalan Rinting. and group kami ditugaskan untuk masuk kelas darjah 4.

first impression : kelas tu sangat kecik. students ramai. crowded. but lepas dah alih kerusi meja, it looked fine. the students were so excited to see us. dan untuk kali pertama dalam hidup aku, aku bahasakan diri aku 'teacher'.

teacher hani.

they were so adorable and fun. 

mmy students.

le us before the activity.

me and kirin.

me and nani. before balik.

well, masuk je kelas tu aku dah sebak semacam. rindu adik. banyak activity yang kitorang buat. Simon Says, Singing etc. they enjoyed it. i'm glad.

and before balik, all of us gathered at the canteen and believe it or not, all of them, all of them said goodbye to us. i cried. one of them, my students even came to me and asked me if she can go home with me. and when we were about to go into the bus, most of them gathered along the fences saying goodbyes and waving at us. how can't your little heart touched by that? some of them were even crying. they touched my heart.

thanks. may ALLAH bless you.

T_________T

WISDOM TEETH OR GIGI BONGSU. eheh! aku tak tahu tang mana wisdom nya gigi tu.

 

okay. expression aku macam ni lah. okay fine. maybe tak selawa ni. buruk lagi. but yes, like seriously, sakit sangat. sebelum ni masa mula mula sakit aku asyik duk merengek je kerja. tapi bak kata cik intan dan cik fatin, sakit tu penghapusan dosa. so aku kena sabar. ye ye. aku tengah sabar ni. sakit ma. sakit sangat. 

kata cheche, sakit gigi ni antara sakit yang tersakit ( aku pun tak faham apa yg aku tulis ni ) to make it simple, ni ha : Anyone who has ever felt the wisdom teeth pain, must have felt how pain it is. The old saying that the toothache is better than broken heart is not quite right. It is because teeth pain may spread to the high emotions spent. The more a pain in your teeth, the more your emotions increase. Of course, it really makes you suffer. source : sakit tumbuh gigi bongsu. 

serius rasa tak normal. makan memang tak boleh. nak nganga pun sakit. cakap? aku masih boleh cakap tp dengan seksa. (maybe ni ALLAH nak bagi pengajaran sebab aku gelak banyak sangat kot?) sebelum ni kalau gi cende tu aku tibai segala makanan yang ada but now? pandang sepi je tomyam dengan telur bungkus tu. T____T

time sakit macam ni la nak call ma tujuh lapan kali sehari kan? pastu dengar suara ma rasa nak leleh. peh peh peh. macam mana nak kawen ni? (eh?)

tree of life.

it's February. and i'm still breathing. living. Alhamdulillah. life is not getting easier. that's the fact. challenging, that's the reality. no matter how we try, we will never be up to anyone's expectation. no matter how we respect them. but today i learn that to make it through a hard journey, sometimes, you have to fake the smile. fake it till you make it. well, what else left?

"Most of the time, we may get what we want but not what we need and maybe what may get what 

we need but not what we want."

-Miss Aishah-

it's the process of learning. we should be thankful with what we have for maybe others are having harder things than us. Alhamdulillah. well, life is not about having fun all along, it's about how we deal with all the troubles that come to our way and with whom we share it. 

p/s : i'm glad to have you. it's a bless.

There's one thing that permanent. It's ALLAH SWT.

These past few days, I've encountered a lot of thing. A LOT. And somehow it made me realise that I am a lot more luckier than others. If I think I'm having it hard here, there are out there somewhere who has less than me. 

on your mark, get set, GO!

assalamualaikum wbt.

So, I've already started with the classes of 2 PPISMP TESL. Wahaha. I'm in my second semester now. It's still the same I think. Alhamdulillah. Nothing changed much. Except for maybe the new KO and PKO for our class. It's now Saifullah Hamzah as the KO and Hanani Najmi Johan as the PKO. Wish them the best.

social studies. oh my oh my. i'm falling for this. it's awesome.

these are some of the pictures. it's them. fatin took this i think. love them.

 sedikit lari topik di sini but I can't stop myself from publishing this picture :

my most little angel. Wan Muhammad Hail Wan Azizul. This is the excited face each time ma sang him ' Tepuk amai-amai.' 

My old handsome King Lear. Oh yes, we are going to dramatize this somewhere around June I think. He looks handsome didn't he? Well, it costs RM38 okay??

And last but not least :

After well, soon-to-be- 20 years of living in this planet, I'm having a pink sock. June, my buddy from Vietnam gave it to me. A farewell gift I think. 

For the GERKO, guess what? I'm in the Bola Baling thingy. Ah sudah! I haven't play that before. So yesterday was the first meeting. And I'm in that along with Hidayah and Fika and also Nasyitah. Wish me luck and pray me the best.

p/s : how can i put it into words? i'm missing you.

refresh

it's 2012. a whole new time for me. again. and maybe this time, it's for real. and you're right. this year, i'm 20 and as this wonderful lady said, it means adult. i'm an adult. hard to believe. so there are some improvements i need to do in my life.

2011 had taught me a lot. broaden my view. toughen up my courage. gave me lots of new friends. taught me how to appreciate friends. taught me that sometimes, when you lose something, you are not literally lose it. maybe you need to put some effort to make it work better. and in order to make it better, you have to sacrifice. it might hurts you a lot but if it's for the sake of the one that you love, you can do it. insyaALLAH, i'll  try my best to treasure the hero in me. that's what intan told me. there's a hero in me. i just have to treasure her. and i'll do that. insyaALLAH.

so for this hope-to-be a wonderful 2012, i need to do something. i need to save up more. i wanna buy a polaroid. always to be my wish, a good Muslimah. insyaALLAH, and improve on my English more. as i'm a teacher to be. ya ALLAH, ease my journey for this time. amin.

p/s :  i miss you already. may ALLAH bless you. always.